insidersguidetojoe

2005-11-21T15:23:00.000-08:00

Rabbi Hillel once said, "The earth is equally balanced between good and evil...your next act will tip the scale".

I am thankful for the opportunity to send goodness into the world. Every day, with every choice and decision I face, I have the honor of creating something good to share with others.

What good thing will you do in this moment?

2005-11-12T05:22:00.000-08:00

The 4th annual Red Ribbon Affair was held last night at the Wyndham Hotel, with close to 170 people turning out to support HIV/AIDS prevention in the Roanoke Valley. Proceeds from the silent auction and ticket sales benefit the Health Outreach and Wellness program of the Council of Community Services.

I celebrate the pioneering work of the Council in their efforts over the past 20 years to address and educate the public about HIV prevention. And, now with the addition of the Drop-In Center at 369 Church Avenue and advances in HIV screenings, the services available to people in the region are even greater.

As I marveled at the ballroom filled with supporters and advocates for this important cause, I thought of the words from the song "For Good" from the musical "Wicked"...because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

Here's to my colleagues at the Council of Community Services and their great work!

2005-11-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

In our high-tech, fast-paced world, I tend to look for opportunities to relax, unwind and center myself. Everyone seems busy. How often do you find yourself in a conversation and notice after a few minutes that the person you're talking with begins to look at their watch or shift their eyes away, as though distracted and wondering about where they should be next?

Giving attention to ourselves and those we are with is a challenging thing. When I'm in a conversation with someone, I want to give them my full attention. I can't do that if I'm distracted by other matters. So, I have to learn ways of moving through the distractions, and centering on the one I'm with; whether the "one" is me or someone else.

In this day, at this time, it is critical for us to spend time with one another, face-to-face, listening to our hearts. Not just the beating of our hearts, but listening for the message of our hearts. We are here for each other. Let's relax and listen and celebrate.

2005-10-27T15:22:00.000-07:00

Three years ago I founded a group called "Intimate Path: A Spiritual Journey for Gays and Lesbians. The original intent was to create a weekly discussion group on issues of spirituality and sexuality and how they intersect with our lives. We met weekly for about 18 months covering a variety of topics. Then we decided to switch to monthly dinner meetings and the group has consistently grown.

This past Monday night, I hosted the Intimate Path dinner with close to 50 people present. The dinners are great: the host provides the main entree' and the guests provide salads, side dishes and desserts. The conversation, companionship, and support is exceptional. The food is extraordinary.

During the past three years, Intimate Path has been a supportive community to me, especially helping me recognize the nature of spirituality in community and companionship. The word companion means "the one with whom I break bread". I celebrate the gift of friends who are also companions along the way. Celebrate your friends and find sacred moments to "break bread" together!

2005-10-23T19:12:00.000-07:00

This morning I preached at St. Johns Episcopal Church and spoke of finding our way home. The great composer, Thomas Dorsey, wrote these words when the sudden death of his wife shook all the foundations of his life:

Precious Lord, take my hand,
lead me on, help me stand
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn
Through the storm, through the night
lead me on to the light
precious Lord, take my hand, lead me home.

We all face many storms in life and have the opportunity to emerge stronger. It helps when we have friends to support us and a loving God who is always present with us. May the hope of these words lead us home to a deeper intimacy with the divine, ourselves and one another.

2005-10-20T16:19:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me recently about my experience as Roanoke's "most eligible". I responded that "being most eligible was as much a gift for myself as for the larger community". I realized that taking this step was an opportunity to face my own fear of being out in the community. Though I've never hidden my orientation, I've not announced it loudly, until now.

Oddly, I received only two inquiries through InsideOut. I have had many friends thank me for taking this step and a few straight women wish I'd reconsider my orientation. The best and most surprising news is that after some searching, I'm dating someone I've known and loved for four years. Our level of intimacy is established and growing. Our deep respect for each other is a blessing.

I'm grateful for this moment in life-for the peace and goodness in my soul.

2005-10-13T15:33:00.000-07:00

I've been busy. I haven't blogged since October 1st and just looked today to check my last entry. Busyness can be good when life and work is meaningful; which it has been lately. But, busyness can also be a distraction from loneliness and savoring quiet moments that can lead us to deeper realities about ourselves. I've been doing some of this too. The other day I came across a quote from one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver. In her poem, When Death Comes, she writes, When it's over, I want to say: all my lifeI was a bride married to amazement.I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

This is my mantra today, along with "relax and observe". Take the world into your arms and love it all!

2005-10-01T05:10:00.000-07:00

On Saturday mornings I put on another hat and work at the Drop-In Center for the Council of Community Services. The Center is part of the Health Outreach & Wellness Prevention program. We offer free, confidential OraSure HIV Testing from 10:00-6:00 (M, T, Th & F) and from 8:00-12noon (W, Saturday).

The Drop-In Center offers a full library containing books, magazines, and free informational brochures focusing on HIV, STDS, and other health related issues. Our media center contains education videos and movies on glbt related issues.

The MPowerment project is designed to reach gay and bi-sexual men and create a community of support, encouragement, education and healthy choices. A core group of men plan gatherings and events as part of the project including monthly potluck dinners, social outings, special events and outreach programs. M-groups are peer-led, one time meetings of 8-10 gay and bi-sexual men focusing on relationships, sex, social issues, intimacy and communication. These are led by the MPowerment staff. For more info about any of these programs, please call our center at 982-2437.

2005-09-27T15:04:00.000-07:00

Well, the Pride Auction was a grand success and...drum roll please...dinner with Roanoke's Most Eligible went for $200! The evening was great fun, the pasta dinner was excellent and the live auction was very entertaining. Thanks to everyone who participated.

Thinking of dinner, I've missed cooking lately. I love to cook and try new dishes. Admittedly, I rarely do this for myself because I love to cook for others. Cooking is relaxing for me and so with a shortage of this, I've also begun to realize how little "play" time I have in my life, whether it's just a moment to relax, have dinner with friends, enjoy a date, or kick back with my kids.

My son is fond of saying, "Dad, you're too serious. You need to smile more." I agree and I'm still learning how. Any suggestions?

2005-09-24T05:23:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the annual Pride Auction and I've been asked to be in the live auction. The auctioneer will be inviting bids for "lunch with Roanoke's Most Eligible". I'm looking forward to the fun of the evening for a great cause. On another note, I attended Opera Roanoke's opening night of "La Traviata". A relative novice to opera, I was engaged from the beginning. The powerful voice of Violetta and the chorus gave me goosebumps and I was carried away with the passion of the characters and the music. If you have the opportunity to go, GO! Life is good, though suffering from Katrina and Rita is great. On this day, I hold my neighbors in my heart and look forward to ways in which we can all help build a stronger community and nation.

2005-09-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

In the film, Joe Versus the Volcano, one of the characters says, "Ninety-nine percent of the world is asleep. The one percent that is awake remains in a constant state of amazement." While pondering what I've learned spiritually since the devastation of Katrina, I'm certain that we are all more awake and aware of how easily any of us can experience displacement. I'm also aware of the importance of relationships; for when a disaster strikes, the most important treasures are those we love and those who love us. I am amazed by the overwhelming generosity of our nation in responding to this emergency. I am also amazed by the overwhelming face of poverty and homelessness that this emergency has unveiled. I hope that while we respond to this emergency we will also respond for the long haul in helping anyone who is displaced to find their way home.

2005-09-17T05:27:00.000-07:00

Today I want to invite any readers to our 16th Annual Pride Festival on Sunday, Septebmer 18 at Elmwood Park. The day begins with a worship service led by the Metropolitan Community Church of the Blue Ridge. A march will begin at 11, and the festival begins at Noon. This is a special day to celebrate acceptance, authenticity, honesty and wholeness. Lots of great music, comedy, and opportunities to reconnect with friends and make new ones. Pride is good when it celebrates the beauty of life and community. Enjoy the day!

2005-09-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite authors, Henri Nouwen, once wrote that "hospitality is the creation of a free space where the stranger can enter our lives and become a friend instead of an enemy." I try and live by this idea and look at every encounter in life as an opportunity to welcome a new person, experience or moment into my life. Creating a free space is as much about readying ourselves as it is preparing to welcome another into our lives. For me, the keys to being at home with myself are acceptance, love and peace. What defines the "free space" in your life?

2005-09-10T05:51:00.000-07:00

On Friday I had the opportunity to meet with an incredible group of interfaith leaders in the Roanoke Valley - leaders of congregations, human service agencies, and emergency services - dedicated to creating an interfaith response to the families that will likely relocate here from the devastation of hurricane Katrina. I was impressed with the common desire to welcome these new neighbors and to strengthen our own resolve as a community. There was a deep spirit of faith and abiding sense of hope. Today I celebrate these gifts!

2005-09-08T15:09:00.000-07:00

I'm always amazed by the response we give each other in the face of terror and natural disaster. We drop everything and ensure that our neighbors in need have what they need to survive and, eventually, thrive. That's what we hope for. That's what we strive for. I hope that one day we will have the same response for the terror and disaster that many people face every day...losing a job, losing a home, struggling to make ends meet. I hope that our passion in these days will translate to a passion for every day and everyone we meet. When we live out of this passion, we'll make a profound difference in ending poverty and homelessness.

2005-09-07T12:51:00.000-07:00

Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. I read these words on a small card given out with purchases through Eighth Day Books in Wichita, Kansas. Kansas is my home and this bookstore one of my favorite spots. During these chaotic times, it's good to remind myself of these simple words: be kind. We all have our battles and our struggles and kindness has a way of "cutting through" everything and making the day and the moment a little more bearable. So today take a moment to offer kindness: to yourself and another person.

2005-09-01T06:07:00.000-07:00

"How many responses have you received through Most Eligible?" This is the question most people ask me now. To date, I have received two. I've made two new friends and happy for that. I have received many more comments from friends who now often address me as "Mr. Most Eligible", which is great fun. So, thanks to all of you for making this alot of fun!

2005-08-30T14:50:00.000-07:00

Through "most eligible", I've met some new friends and reconnected with friends I haven't seen in awhile. I love to meet new people, learn about their lives, and see what we have in common. I'm always amazed by what brings people together and how our lives are intertwined. The strength we draw from one another makes us better. I received a letter from a friend today and each page was on a different type of leftover stationary! As much as I love the immediacy of email, I love holding a handwritten letter in my hands. Remember a friend today and write him/her a letter!

2005-08-27T05:24:00.000-07:00

Friends are the greatest gift. After reading one of my earlier entries, my friend Mark sent a beautiful poem he'd written along with a mug bearing these words: "Take inventory of your hopes not realized, and wrap them in the promise that life is possible". When I began my "coming out" process, I remember going through a deep time of depression. The depths felt like I was in a well covered by heavy clouds and mist. Yet, I kept feeling and seeing hands reaching down to me through the mist. I knew these were the hands of friends and family reaching out to me and holding my dreams for me while I didn't have the strength. Every day I try and take a few moments to celebrate my friends and I try to offer the same gift of hope to someone else.

2005-08-24T13:18:00.000-07:00

I've been reading some of the diaries of Anais Nin and she writes that "the personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself". Going through this adventure of "most eligible" has opened new possibilities for me, including exploring what I like best about myself. By tapping into my own vulnerabilities, I'm able to discover new strength for each day. Receive every moment as a gift. When there is pain, go deeply into it. When there is play, go deeply into it. By fully living the depths of these moments we'll discover new truths about ourselves and our greater community.

2005-08-23T05:09:00.000-07:00

In her poem, "The Summer Day", Mary Oliver asks "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Each day, I try and live fully. On some days that means going through the motions. On other days it means taking risks. On most days, it means living with great courage and hope, especially in the face of fear. Part of my decision in being "most eligible" involved the vulnerability of being "out" to a large community. With the encouragement of family and friends, the decision was made easy. Courage is the strength to face fear with hope. This is the life I have and I intend to live it courageously.

2005-08-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

I wonder about the virtues of meeting people online. One friend recently told me that two of her best friends were marrying people they met online. There are pros and cons, I know. I always lean toward meeting people face-to-face and experiencing the connection that takes place. What do you think?

2005-08-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

I went to Blacksburg last evening to see my son who is the lead in Oliver. Prior to the show, several people came up and told me they'd seen the story in the paper. Their words were very encouraging. This morning I had a friend call and say, "Good morning, Mr. Eligible". For me, this isn't so much about recognition as it is about celebrating life and who we are. I love the opportunity to be honest, authentic, and open. Courage to do so is an incredible way to face fear and see possibility.

2005-08-18T11:19:00.000-07:00

We're off and running. I didn't see the paper until 7:30 this morning, but a good friend called at 6:15 to tell me the article was great! Thanks to Rose for capturing my personality...and I like the photos too! So far today I've received lots of encouragement from good friends celebrating courage, grooviness, laughter, and one friend who said upon opening the paper, "Oh my god, I know him!"

It's a little strange walking around, seeing people, and wondering if they've seen the paper and recognize me. I remember other "eligibles" talking about this in the last follow-up, and it's fun to think about. This is certainly not something to do if you want to remain anonymous.

More later...

2005-08-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

Hi and welcome!

I'm honored to be one of Roanoke's "most eligible". I want to thank Pam Meador for nominating me and many friends who've encouraged me to do this! I moved to Roanoke four years ago and love living here. I have a great job, a great house, great children, and lots of great friends.

One of my friends, Ernie, suggested that I write about my experience (since writing is also one of my loves)...so this blog will be my small effort to write about the experience of being "most eligible".

Thanks for checking out the site and watch for new postings in the hours and days ahead!

Joe

2005-08-16T15:46:00.000-07:00